Onwards and upwards!

After all I have to follow my own advice don’t i? Dive into something new and learn as you go? That is exactly what I am doing. Neither of us are interviewers or have experience on TV but we want to share other people’s ideas and talents.

Relationships can be easily damaged by miscommunication. One type of miscommunication happens when one person’s expectations for another aren’t clearly expressed, resulting in confusion, frustration and often hurt feeling.

This can happen at work, with your spouse, between you and your business partner and even between parents and their kids. We all have expectations for each other, but when someone falls short of those expectations (whether they were correctly expressed or not), you have the choice to respond in 1 of 3 ways:

  1. Suppress your disappointment. This will result in the other person never knowing that they didn’t deliver on, thus they will continue to fall short. Eventually you’ll boil over with disappointment, and the relationship will suffer.
  2. Be passive aggressive and hint around at what they did “wrong”. The only way this “works” is to eventually beat the other person into submission with your passive aggression. This usually isn’t the way to build a healthy long term relationship.
  3. Clearly express your expectations of them. Next time they can hopefully deliver what you expect. How you communicate your expectations can often be tricky, but this is the best option.

Inherently, humans want to make others happy. For the most part, how clearly you can communicate your expectations will reflect how well and how often others deliver on these expectations. If they fail to deliver even when your communication is great, keep trying. Some people just need time.

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson

Some people say there’s no such thing as a selfless act–that any time we do something to help another person, we get something in return, even if it’s just a warm fuzzy feeling.

I’ve spent a lot of time playing with this idea in my head. It doesn’t really bother me to know it feels good to help someone else. That, to me, is a completely acceptable type of selfishness. What give me cause for concern are the underlying expectations we often have when we give “selflessly.”

We’ve all been there. I do work for my coworker because i know i’ll need his/ her assistance next month.  You help your friend get leads for a job, and then feel angry when he isn’t as proactive in offering you support. I teach my students very sincerely and with great effort and then i am expecting a good feedback from them.

I’ve found that these expectations cause more stress than joy. They mar the act of giving, which makes me feel slightly guilty; they lead to disappointment if the person I helped doesn’t return the kindness; and they tie my intentions to an internal score card, which places a wedge in my relationships.

Recently I’ve been asking myself, “What is my expectation?” before I do something for another person. The answer I find most acceptable—cheesy as it may sound—is: to feel good and show love. Strangely, when I release the need to control what I get for giving, I get enough, somehow. Just Remember a fact that  its just a journey from your heart to onwards someone else’s heart leads it to upwards always


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